You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone
by RexRox
Summary: As I left the cemetery, my thoughts all in a jumble, I struck upon a very appropriate adage. 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone.' AsunaxNegi


Disclaimer: I don't own Mahou Sensei Negima.

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I watched as they lowered the coffin into the grave. I watched because that was the only thing I could do - the only thing I was fit to do. I had tried to help her, to save her, and this was the result. Without going so far as to say I would never try to do anything again, I was certain that it would be hard. The foundations of my world had been shaken and I hadn't found his way to cope yet.

_Filing into the cavernous room, I frowned - there was something very off about this room. The Dean had said that this room had been the source of the many disturbances caused lately on the grounds, so that probably had something to do with it. Still... I didn't like it. I kept my eye on Asuna as she led the group in, watching to make sure nothing happened to her. Not that there was anything to worry about with her - she had her magic canceling ability, and this thing down here seemed to have nothing but magic to rely on._

The priest, organised by Takamichi, read out some verses from some book - it wasn't Shinto or any other Asian religion, nor was it Christianity. I supposed that it was the religion of her homeland, as Takamichi knew more about her than anybody else. My iron facade broke momentarily as I considered the fact that somebody other than myself knew more about her. Her. The one that mattered most in my life, despite apparent 'evidence' to the contrary. The priest moved on from his odd sermon to the more ordinary, and more hear-shattering, part.

_"Wow! This room is huge. Don't you think so, Negi-kun?" Nodoka asked me innocently._

_I smiled from my position next to her, gripping her hand slightly, hoping to abate the fear she was trying to hide. I was the perfect English gentlemen, and that carried over to the position of boyfriend. I was about to say something comforting when Asuna shouted._

I saw Konoka collapse in tears, only to be supported by Setsuna. They both knew exactly what they had lost, and now had only their memories of their times spent with her. That was plenty though, and it was simple for a person to go on if they had that - they could keep her flame alive in their heart, knowing that they'd had the best memories achievable with her in this time. The same could be said for the rest of 3A, who were also attending the funeral, and perhaps even for Takamichi, whose face was as unreadable as ever.

_The ground collapsed. Well, not exactly collapsed, it more caved in, tilting and crumbling towards a centre point of a floor. The entire centre of the room had vanished, and the new hole held a well-spring of pure magical energy. That was no doubt the source of the disturbances - the thing that we had been sent to deal with for fear of it destroying the academy. It would have to wait though, as currently there was a bigger problem - the fact that everybody was falling into it._

When the service ended, his face was still unreadable - but I knew that he would be feeling something. No matter how many times a person might see a loved one die, the feelings would never disappear, the person would simply become accustomed to them. I hadn't witnessed such a thing though, or at least not at an age where he truly appreciated the loss, so he wouldn't be able to cope as well as Takamichi. Hence, I stayed behind after the service, brushing off Nodoka's hand as she left in tears.

_Blasting magic into the ground to cancel out the magical pull, I managed to create a small piece of ground that I could stand on safely. The others leapt away, or did a similar thing where they were. Except one person._

I knelt in front of the tombstone, like a knight genuflecting before his queen. There were many things I had been going to say, but now that I was here, none of them came out. I, who didn't have the consolation that the others had, that my memories of her had been the best I could have achieved... enjoyed, could not say these things to her. I could not take the easy way out, to unburden my heart before a doomed prisoner who could not hear my words.

_Asuna was sliding back into the centre, her magic canceling ability having no effect. I swore as I leapt forward to help her. I caught her by the hand right as she fell back, and she hung over the enormous glowing hole in the ground, that enormous thing mad up of pure magic. They all knew what it was, what it was made of. Asuna looked down at it before looking at me. She smiled sadly at me as she mouthed three words - three very simple words. My eyes widened. Her grip loosened. I screamed._

I ran my hands over that mouthful of a name she had, the name that Takamichi had told us was her true name - but it mattered little, for she was always Asuna to me. The one who I had loved. The one who I had ignored as I had sought Nodoka, believing Asuna to always be there, that she would be always be open. As I left the cemetery, my thoughts all in a jumble, I struck upon a very appropriate adage.

_In a blast of light, she was gone. Her soul never to be found again, just an empty lifeless shell. Asuna was dead, and my heart had gone with her, forever hers - and her heart forever mine._

'You don't know what you've got till it's gone.'

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A/N: This is a very different style of story, and writing, than what I usually do. I don't think I pulled it off very well, but I did enjoy writing it (as much as one can enjoy writing it). It was so very hard to get into the mood for writing this, and I have Radiohead's newest album, 'In Rainbows' to thank for eventually getting into the mood - I never would have pulled it off without it. This is the longest it has ever taken me to write a one-shot so far, though - it took me 50 minutes to write it and it's only 1,000 words (Shounen-Ai took me 30 minutes and it's the same length). It's probably because I spent more time trying to pick words and get the mood right, though I do feel it's entirely too sterile and lacking of life. Of well, I'll probably get more used to it over time. Look out for a companion piece called 'Coping' over the next few days, if you liked this one (though it'll be somewhat different again).

Comments and criticism appreciated.


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